I've tried to write this post about a million times. I type. I delete. I cry. I suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself. Then I do it all over again.
I get pissed. I get all sorts of emotional. I then decide its not for me and thats why its not happening. I usually cry again or enjoy the fact that at moments like this I can consume large amounts of wine by myself.
Babies. I can't have them. At least for 7 years of trying I haven't. Sometimes I think that if I knew I could never have given my husband kids that I would have not fallen in love with him, I would have let him find a woman capable of doing what women are supposed to do. I know thats silly.
I dont get envious or jealous of my friends or those I know that get pregnant, in fact I get so extremely happy for them. For reals.... But what I get upset about when I think of how much I want to have a family, be a mother, be pregnant- is the bad mothers, the babies with no families or how about the local girls here that are on their 4th kid with their 3rd baby daddy. Yeah this post makes me say things like baby daddy.
Quite often I hear from my customers and readers that I'm always busy and they want to know how I juggle it all. Well you should probably know that if I could trade all this, I would. I stay busy to keep my mind off the fact that my ovaries hate me. I stay busy (besides loving what I do) because obviously having no children provides me with loads of free time. Truth be told I am sad. And I know that people say 'it will happen if its meant to be' and I know we can adopt, but I think its ok to be sad once in a while. I think its ok to feel like the one thing you want the most is the one thing you are a failure at achieving.
If you are a mom and it came easy to you, thats not your fault and you should never feel bad for that... just please realize how lucky you are to have those little ones! xo