happy & sad

For about a week I've been in a somber mood.
(sorry to those that have dealt with it)
My husband works for an amazing company as a helicopter mechanic,
and one of his goals is to get out of the hangar (where he currently works) and go to the field.
The field is more "bad ass" of a position where you get to travel for a few weeks at a time,
and work with the actual running helicopters while the hangar is more of build & repair.
Well last week he mentioned that he was ready to apply to be out there.
(sad face, happy face)
I'm sad because this new position is something that will change our lives.
I'm happy because I'm proud of him and I love seeing him so excited about it.
So tomorrow morning he was supposed to go to Portland (4hrs north) to get his sign-off
from the FAA and be able to apply for this position.
Coincidentally, tomorrow I have a fertility appointment (new doctor, new center) in the same city.
So its an exciting day for both of us.
... but things change ...

Yesterday morning Brandon went to work and they called a meeting.
He was nervous about possible hour cuts, or position changes.
But something else happened
They told him he is going to the field.
So tomorrow morning instead of getting his sign-off he is hopping on a plane to Texas,
then driving 2hrs to Silver City, New Mexico to work on a fire contract.
And tomorrow afternoons'  fertility appointment, well it got cancelled.
They need to see us both, and frankly even if they didn't.. I wouldn't want to go without him.
I am Happy I am Sad
He will be home less then 6months out of the year,
how do we make a baby with that?
He will be happier and I will be happy for him,
but how will I do this without him?
He will provide for us and for every 14days he is gone he will get 10days off with me,
but how will I get used to this?

I don't want to be selfish, believe me when I say he supports all my dreams.
But when one of OUR dreams is to have a family, this just makes it a little harder.
Today is just one of those days, I want to be optimistic.. but I cant.
He hasn't even left and I miss him already.

(p.s I'm off all day tomorrow and I know it will be good to return emails and work on things just to get my mind off of stuff.. but if I seem bitchy or make sad faces or really just weird... please forgive me!)


  1. I'm sorry that sounds hard, but you are so great for being so supportive! I wish you two the best of luck, things will work out :)

  2. w.o.w. ~ i just found you today - but i think you should read my tomorrow's post.

  3. w.o.w. ~ i just found you today - but i think you should read my tomorrow's post.

  4. I've never commented before, but just had to say I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I hope everything works out for you. :-)

  5. Thinking about you in this changing time.

    I know it's cliche but - everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. You are a strong woman. You can tackle anything that comes your way :) xo

    Stay strong!

  6. Big, big hugs to you. My husband s a firefighter and has a schedule where he's gone several days in a row (bu not 14!) You get used o it, and it will become the life you're used to. Hang in there, my friend.

  7. I know it's not the same thing, but when my husband deployed I felt the same way. You get thrown into a mix and your emotions go wild. They're hard to control, and on top of everything fertility issues are a mess on their own.

    You just get into a good routine. You keep yourself busy with projects and work, and when he's home for those 10 days you make it explosive in every sense of the word. It will be hard at first, but you'll come to a routine and life will go on. You're a strong lady!

    And congratulations to your husband!

  8. I'm a new reader so I don't know what your beliefs are, but for me when we were trying to start our family it was all about realizing it would happen just when it needed to happen. God had control over our family and not me. How hard that was for me to grasp that I didn't have control over it. Here's the blog I wrote when I found out I was pregnant: http://gigglesglitzandglam.blogspot.com/2011/05/jehovah-jireh.html maybe it will help you out a little! :)

    Praying that the awesome days will far outweigh the not so fun days. Change is hard, but it's a good thing. It will be fun to look back on this post in a year and see how far you've come!

  9. http://amomseyeview-lulu.blogspot.com/2011/07/stealinghome-chicago.html

  10. awww... that is hard - I am so sorry. My husband isn't home a ton either (though nowhere near as much as your husband will be away) and we're hoping to have a baby soon, too. It is hard, but it does make the time we have together so much more special and valuable. ~ Andi

  11. Anonymous06 July, 2011

    I don't even know you, but honestly my husband and I have been through similar things and the best advice I can give is just trust God. One day at a time. Try to remember that he loves you more than you know, is involved in the smallest details of your life, and will carry you through both of these things. Lean on your hubby- the worst thing you can do is let something get between you two. Prayers your way, girl. :)

  12. Keep being optimistic like you always are! Your blog is so beautiful. Just remember that the days he will be home will need to be cherished even more so. Sometimes I feel like I take my husband for granted :( You are so brave for being so supportive!


  13. Aww Heather I'm sorry! I've never been in anything close to that situation as I have yet to find "that" guy... but I have definitely been in those moods before. Wish there was some way to help cheer you up or distract you! Unfortunately, I don't create cracklike ruffle headbands to make you scream and get an adrenaline rush! You will be in my thoughts <3

  14. Wow. That's tough. I guess you will need to muster up everything within you to make the best out of it. Right? Wrong? Who cares? I know. I would feel the same way. I'd want to cry, and kick and scream. Who wouldn't? But what makes the difference between you and someone else is how you are going to lead your heart. Focus on the new, great, wonderful, exciting opportunities this brings! A whole new dynamic to your relationship. Love love letters. Secret gifts sent in the mail. And of course, the classic "distance makes the heart grow fonder."

    Oh, and if all else fails, you have a ridiculous amount of people on here willing and ready to support you through this! And we won't judge. If you feel like venting on us- WE UNDERSTAND. Everyone goes through times like this. Its only the special ones that make it through as a better person. (and I think you will be one of those special people). Keep us posted. I will be praying for you!

  15. I would feel exactly the same as you do . . . torn! And you should. Even life's blessings can require difficult adjustments. You are brave for being supportive, and your husband will be so grateful for that! Peace to you both and may the transition hold joy in unexpected places.

  16. Anonymous06 July, 2011

    Heather..I completely understand your situation as far as a baby is concerned. I know you have been struggling and I admire you willingness to share with us and you ability to continue to stay positive. When times get tough, I know it's hard, but try to remember:1. You are an amazingly stong woman who can conquer anything 2. the is such a thing as fate. No matter what your beliefs are, there is going to be a time when all things in the world will align and you will receive that which you want the most. 3. You have all of us to lean on. Even if we are virtual friends and readers. We are here to offer you support and love. Congrats to Mr. Smith and I hope all the positives to come for the two you will overshadow the thoughts of negativity and doubt. Just think of how wonderful those 10 days together will be :). Let me know if you need anything!!

  17. It's okay that sometimes you can't be optimistic. Have a pity party, they're healthy sometimes as long as you come out of it stronger. I was a military wife for what seems like forever. Fertility help and lots of prayer, you'll get your baby. I bet you'll be one of those amazingly productive women while he's gone. You will adjust. It's amazing how well we do that. Sending warm thoughts your way.

  18. holy cow. there have been phases where the hub and i worked opposite hours and went weeks seeing each other for about an hour each night. i can't imagine doing stretches of 14 days consistently.

    i have no advice, just hopeful that everything has it's own course, and that you will be blessed with your perseverance.

  19. I can actually relate, and I know how hard this is for you. It's amazing of you to be so supportive. It's a very hard position to be in. I personally just tell myself that it's all going to be worth it in the end. I remind myself that it's not my husbands fault (that it's no ones fault, really) and then when we are reunited, we can start a family and never have to be seperated again.

    It's easy to type that and a lot harder to make yourself believe. Some days will be easier than others, but you'll just have to stay strong. Like I know you will :)


  20. You'll have hard days, you'll have good days and I pray that you'll always try to maintain a positive outlook and be supportive of your husband. God works in mysterious ways and never gives us anything He doesn't think we can't handle. I moved countries (Australia to Texas, USA), away from all my family - some times I miss them so much it breaks my heart, and some days I just live, happy here with him. And remember, this change may not be forever :) Best wishes and prayers for you and your family. Congrats to your husband on his promotion!

  21. Thank you for sharing a personal part of your life..its nice to know other bloggers are human and not perfect all the time. I can only imagine the stress of all the changing things is not helping with the baby making dept so just try to relax and take one day at a time..you will be a Momma soon!..and your husband will have a better job which= happy face!

  22. prayers that this is the Lord's way of showing you His amazing promises and provisions....

  23. So sorry lovely although I know there is nothing to be said to make your heart feel whole again. I wish you were going to be in Portland so we could get together and do silly crazy girl stuff and chat it out.
    If you ever need a friend that's a close four hours away; let me know. I'd love to spend some time together crafting, painting nails and listening to good music. ;)
    Anytime. Seriously.

  24. I don't know the right words to tell you that it will be okay so I'll just say... *hug*

  25. Sigh*

    I will be praying for you. There are so many things I would say if we are face to face. .......

    but I will tell you this......


    Just at the right time. you will find a way to say to him...
    "Oh hey... I'm gonna be your baby mamma. " :)

    I will be believing for you and with you. I'm sorry he will be gone so much. :(

    that. sucks. no other words to describe it.....
    Hang in there!

    ALSO: I love that I found your blog. :)

  26. So much mixed emotions...I can see the good and bad in all of it. I will definitely keep you and your hubby in my prayers.

  27. Keep your chin up love. everything happens for a reason! those six monthes better be in bed making a baby!!! :)

  28. I know it's very difficult and ur heart wil be aching but it's important to remember things happen for a reason. You're still very young and you both have the rest of your lives to start a family. Few people are lucky enough to do a job that they love and I think both of you have an amazing opportunity in your lives. You will miss each other but if you are both happy in your work lives you will radiate happiness into all other aspects. You seem to have a wonderful marriage and it's refreshing to see! I seem to see ppl stuck in dead end jobs who setlle for less than suitable partners and are then too lazy to make positive changes.

    You have a wonderful husband, a thriving business and beautiful home. That's the extent of my dream because due to some health issues before I got cfs I discovered I can't have kids.. At the age of 22! Had to get my boiler removed. So to speak! It will be a tough few days where you will be happy and sad.. But you both are so blessed.

    I try to keep perspective in times like this.. When I get frustrated with how sick I am I always try to remember how lucky I am it's not worse... And that I have my blog and bf and wonderful friends and family!

    You also have a support network in blog land! Much love to you xo

  29. Hang in there. My husband recently took a trip to Hungary and was gone only all of 12 days! IT WAS HARD! But you will find a way to get thru it :) Also I don't know what your infertility issues are....but I've been there. Its truly no fun especially when everyone around you blinks and they are pregnant. But I do now have 3 beautiful kiddos. Hang in there...praying for you!

  30. Wow, that's so tough, tough because you have to juggle both the sad and the happy parts of this life change. Maybe there is a "support" group of sorts in your city for women going through similiar things? (Cue my mother because that is something she would tell me!) I think you are handling things really well and I wish you luck and nothing but good things!

  31. Anonymous07 July, 2011

    awww im sorry:( that stinks, but god only gives you what you can handle! everything will work out just the way it's supposed to be for you guys! hang in there!!

  32. Heather it is nice to meet you!

    I'm sorry to hear about all the changes you are facing and agree they can be overwhelming. Walking them out gracefully is not easy either.

    It is OK to take time to process all of what is going on and then allow the joy of all that you have now win you over. Focus on each day and the incredible blessings you have in each other - your careers and family that supports you! One day when it is the perfect timing a baby will enter into your lives - how or when only God knows.

    I'll be saying a prayer for you!


  33. Oh Heather, I am sad face for you. It is not bitchy or weird that you feel this way. It is normal, I would be devastated too...it would be hard. I understand what you mean about being happy sad because it is very important to support each other too. But yes, I would mostly be sad. Hang in there, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason even if we cannot see what that reason is. I will say a prayer for you right now. xoxo jessica

  34. Girl, I am praying for you and feel for you. Change is always hard-even when it is exciting for him, it is something that will take "getting used to" {if it is actually possible to get totally used to it?} I have total faith that you will become a family regardless of your work situations. You are such a strong, inspiring woman. Thank you for your honesty-it is so appreciated. You have a world who loves you and is here for you =)


  35. I am seperated from my love now too. I know it seems like this will be too hard and too hard to get used too. but everything happens for a reason. I believe this whole heartedly! have faith that it will work out! you are stronger than you know!
    (p.s. Im new here. love your blog!)

  36. I'm sure it doesn't help to hear, especially when you're so sad - however, I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and everything happens when it's supposed to! I don't know anything about your religious beliefs, but I learned a long time ago that I'm not in control of my life and that there is a plan for me and I just have to trust in that plan. Personally, there were times when I was so angry that I wasn't getting everything I wanted (especially someone to spend my life with, I'm 31 and never been married) and then the most amazing man came into my life that I'm going to spend my life with - and it was SOOOO worth the wait. He truly is my soul mate. So, I'm glad I was patient and let things play out in Gods time. Sending big hugs your way!

  37. Anonymous07 July, 2011

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I will tell you, on a positive note, that my father has always traveled a ton for business. I think my parents relationship is stronger because of it. They are able to maintain their own lives, hobbies, and careers and when they were together they savor every second of it. They plan fun things to do together when he is home. And, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    My husband and I are trying to conceive as well. My first child was a "surprise" and now that we are trying...nada. It can be really hard and I feel for you.

    Good luck.

  38. Everything is going to be fine. Just believe this is for the better and the sad face will go away. You will see, it will all arrange miraculously in a way you haven't thought about. Everything happens for a reason, so have no fear, embrace the changes! Good luck!

  39. ahhh! stay strong!! all good things happen with time...

  40. I'm praying for you sister. This is a lot of change and change is hard...I understand the fertility issue and it's super hard sometimes with the ups and downs of the emotions. I know God has an amazing plan for you and you hubby in regards to making a family...I know he has an amazing plan for my hubby and me too in the baby area...and I also know hearing that doesn't always make ya feel better...just hang in there...trust him...one day we will be able to look back on these very painful times in our lives and say "wow" I get it that's what God was doing! I will be praying that God gives you peace.

  41. I am so impressed with you. You are so level headed and clear and supportive and strong, yet honest. It's inspiring. I'll keep you in my prayers and please post about how you're doing!

  42. :( I'm sorry! I struggle with infertility and it is such a frustrating journey. (I think you're on my blog followers. inyourhandsifind.blogspot.com?)

    Before my son was born my husband lived in Redmond for 4 months out of the year. I would get off work, drive 3.5 hours to get a piece and then drive home and be to work at 8. Some weeks I would do that several times. Of course it took almost 3 years before we got Dillon. And we've been back in the boat the last 2.5 years. Definitely makes it hard to get prego when one of the key ingredients is missing. Don't you wish it was as simple as a jar of stuff and a turkey baster? ha! You have every right to be bitchy. I say bring it on and let it out! I'll be praying for you. I know what you're going thru. HUG.

  43. Anonymous08 July, 2011

    Many years ago, I was married to a long haul truck driver, and there were time he didn't come home for 6 to 8 weeks. After I got used to it, I kinda liked it. You are talking about an adjustment period, and that's difficult, it's a challenge. It sure will be fun !! when he's home for 10 days at a time! Whoo-hoo, like a honeymoon. It's very important for a man to have work that he enjoys, especially now days. With the economy the way it is.
    ...when I was young, we didn't have email and facebook and digital camera's, all we had was the telephone, landline! Sounds like a hundred years ago, but it's not! You are lucky to have all the technology available nowadays. And air travel is affordable now.
    ...just think of all the stuff you'll get done while he's not with you. Just think of the PARTY you can have when he gets home! A big fantasy, how about Cinderella, or Arthur and Guinivere. You could make costumes. Throw glitter!
    ...Hope you're doing well. Hang in there, it will get better. I know, everyone says that same darn thing. You can adjust. My name is Loo...nooloo8@hotmail.com

  44. wow, reading this post hit home for me. Bub's is in the airforce and he wanted to apply for a position on the base where he would be permanently FT (which meant if he got the job he would be gone A LOT)

    I was in the SAME exact position as you...you are happy and support them because you just want them to live their dream, but when you're a couple its a "us" and not a "he" "she" separate life style.

    My heart 100% goes out to you--bub didn't get the full time position but he's still in the air force and travels often and has been deployed 2 times during our relationship.

    If you ever need to talk about how to handle a situation like this I am here for you! When bub was deployed it helped me SO MUCH to talk to other girls who get it. Who had to deal with their significant other in a different state or different country for an extended amount of time.

    Now I know your husband isn't in the military, but I can relate to the distance.

    :( sorry hun, but trust me, it does get easier I promise you. Cause ya know what? The time that you DO spend together means SO MUCH MORE.


  45. oh sweetie!
    My heart is so heavy for you. I totally feel you wanting your husband to be happy and live his dream but also the fearful trepidation that this won't be a good thing....or that it will just be new and scary and....

    I just get it.

    Please know you are thought of and loved and somehow, someway...it will be okay.

    <3's and love and flowers,
    Sara Sophia

  46. It's really crazy reading your post on this evening because all day today i have had the (sad faces) My husband travels for work and his schedule is very similar to your husbands.. Works ten days somewhere else home for 4 then off to work again... All day I've thought about how i hate his job which he loves and is sooo good at so i feel bad for hating it so much! But I came to a realization tonight while writing in my journal that dwelling on what can't be changed isn't worth it and that I'm VERY lucky to have the husband I have who supports me and I'm grateful for his job and I realized I can make it one day at a time! And be more appreciative of those 4 days or however long i do get to spend with him! I've been a fan of yours for a while now and I see how awesome you are and I know that if I can do it so can you. :D Sending out prayers for the strength u need. <3

  47. Oh honey I am so sorry.... and happy for you. I was in a similar situation with my husband a few years ago. It is really hard but it makes all the time you spend together so much more meaningful. You will get through it. Sending happy thoughts your way!

  48. This comment has been removed by the author.

  49. praying for you on this new journey. praying for your heart especially. love you friend.

  50. Hi,I know this is a little late, but feel free to email or contact me anytime. My hubby is away two weeks, back two weeks and it is extremely hard. He just started this job last October and loves it...but since we just moved across the country, it is hard to be in our life without him. If your ever lonely (which I'm sorry to say, but you will be} feel free to email anytime. I'm a great listener {if I do say so myself}