the baby talk..

Do you come here just to follow a follower? I mean its no lie, I'm a huge slightly creepy blog stalker. 
 I love to share all my finds with you, plus little tidbits of other things, like what I make and how I live. 

But it can't be sunshine and rainbows everyday. 
 So unless you are prepared to listen to some real stuff, you might wanna skip past this post and go to the pretty pictures below.

If you choose to stay (which I hope you do) then I want to share something stupid that I have to deal with in my life. 
 Its an evil monster called PCOS (see here for more details)

This little devil has detoured our baby making process. Caused me to have not the greatest skin (which actually is what bothers me the most of all the symptoms), my hair has started to thin and its hard for me to lose weight.. sounds like a party huh?

I'm pretty good with being "okay" with it.  But it doesn't just go away. 
It first started when my skin decided to start a solar system on my face =( I tried everything:
-over the counter stuff
-accutane (yep i went that far)

Then I was told I should see a hormone specialist.  Well it started to get a bit better and I assumed maybe it was stress related, and I had been happy.  While on accutane I had to be on birth control, but after I stopped the meds and got off the bc the husband and I decided to just let a baby happen (if it happened).  Well it never did. So I decided to see a specialist, described my symptoms and she determined I most likely had PCOS (polysystic ovarian syndrome), with the use of a few tests it was confirmed. This means I can develop diabetes, its hard for me to conceive and I have more testosterone in my system then i should. I've had a few cysts burst on my ovaries (painful ugh), fertility checking, charting, testing, hoping, praying.. and different meds here and there..

Nothing has helped yet, and I bounce from day to day about things like
-maybe I'm not supposed to be a mom
-maybe I am but maybe through adoption

Each day is different.  Its hard to talk to my husband about it, mainly because he cant help me and I feel bad knowing that he feels bad.  Sometimes I see a crazy kid and I thank the stars I'm not there yet.. Sometimes I see adorable families and I wish on the stars that I was.  Don't worry I'm not going to fake a pregnancy and steal someones baby, but since I work with the public (photography and hairstyling) the conversation gets there on a daily basis and that's what I just wish would go away.  Do you know how much it sucks to see things in person or on tv with teen moms or drug babies, child abusers or neglectors and all you want is to be a good mommy someday? frustrating.

Well.. now you know just a little about my struggles.. occasionally I will touch back on this because it is a huge part of my life (although I wish it wasn't).. so I hope I'm not too downer debbie for you today. 

On a side note No Bake Cookies were made by angels, I'm pretty sure of it. 
(they are my friends today!)


  1. heather,
    i am sorry you are having to face this, i have several friends who have walked the road as well. blessings to you, with whatever God's plan is, i'm sure you'll be blessed.

  2. Heather, after knowing you for ten years I didn't even know about this! I remember your struggles with your skin (trips to the dermatologist with you), etc...But, I am sad to say that I had never put two and two together. I know so many people who struggle with trying to have a baby. And it always happens when it's supposed to! And I know it will for you two! You can borrow Rowyn anytime you need a fix, or some extra birth control! Hehe

  3. Heather I am so sorry! I know there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better about all of this. It is SO unfair that so many very undeserving people are blessed with beautiful children while others, like yourself, are having a difficult time conceiving. I think you would be a wonderful mother and I believe in my heart it will happen for you someday. I will send prayers your way that that day comes soon:)

  4. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this I can't even begin to imagine your pain. There is a HUGE PCOS blogging community and I think you will find hope in many of their stories!

  5. My sister also suffers from PCOS. Its hard for her to talk about it too even with out family and her husband. But three is hope for you. Nothing is impossible and when he wants you to have that baby or adopt that child, it will be exactly the right time for you and your husband.

    Hope dies last, never stop dreaming :)

  6. i will begin praying for this. right now.

  7. You are such a strong person for posting this! I'm sure that one (or more!) of your readers is going through the same situation and will be so thankful to read that! You and Brandon will be amazing parents...however and whenever it happens :) Someday you'll look back on everything that you had to go through to get your perfect child and be so thankful because it will make you that much more appreciative. Everything is meant to be and happens at the exact perfect time...find peace in that :)

  8. you're on my heart. i will be praying for you.

  9. aww. i'll say a prayer.
    i hope you'll get to become a mommy someday! :)

  10. Heather, I stumbled upon your blog via Gussy Sews. I'm new to blogging, but decided to start one to share my own PCOS story. I hope things start to look up for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing and making me feel a little less alone.

  11. I am so sorry you have to struggle through this :( I understand the struggles of wanting a baby AND horrific skin.. which is what I'm going through right now.
    But I do believe in miracles, in whatever form they may come. I'm sure you and your husband WILL receive a miracle.. you're so deserving!

  12. Thank you for sharing. I'm also an obsessed blog stalker, but I only find myself following those that I know are real. While it's not always fluffy bunnies and smiley faces, posts like this show the realness behind the writer. Makes it easier to connect with, more likely for me at least to continue following. It may or may not ever happen, either way it's up to God and you know that. I could tell you how I was told I have a hostile uterus, 90% likely to have cancer at some point in my life, and to be the oldest in the family to still have my lady parts;yet I still concieved (unexpectadly). I could also tell you about sitting in a car wash with my future husband, prior to marriage, proposal, life on our own, and feeling what I didn't know was there slip from our grasps. Young enough to be thankful that God decided it wasn't time yet, but old enough to realize this is not what people build futures on, to miss someone I would never get to meet. It's hard even now to know a second child that is ours is not destined. I know you don't follow me, and probably never will, but I'll be praying for you and ryours, that God shows you which path to take, to lay your dreams in, to ensure your family's happiness.

  13. I definitely feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. I'm doing the med route right now...and I'm hoping and praying this is it. I know it's all in God's timing, but it's hard to trust that and accept that in the midst of everything...especially when you see how easy it is for some people. I really hope it happens for you soon! I will be praying for you and your hubby.

  14. I'm so sorry you're going through this! Praying for you!!

  15. That is so hard! I have two good friends with PCOS and one conceived and is about to have a baby in a few weeks, and the other adopted. It has got to be so hard. I am so sorry.

  16. saying a prayer for you!

  17. Thinking about you always my friend. PRAYING!

  18. I visit often, but don't think I've commented (lately, at least?) I appreciate so much you sharing this. And I think it's so important to not just share the beautiful, but also the moments, too. Because they all matter...and they make us who we are. I really enjoy your blog and I'm praying for you tonight :)

    P.S. I'm always excited to meet a fellow blogger that lives nearby...I'm in Northern CA :)

  19. I'm a relatively new follower, and I just came across this post from the Wiegands link up.

    I don't know how you're so open about your struggle to conceive. I am way too private to talk about such things, so I really admire you!

    So sorry you've got this struggle.

  20. i am a new follower and share you desire for becoming a mother.

    thank you for posting about this.

    here's a little hope, my sister, who also suffers from PCOS, had her daughter today, like an hour ago. never give up.

    prayers to you!