What mom's usually dont tell you!

*SHORT STORY GUEST CONTRIBUTOR POST*

Quite a few of my readers are moms, and I'm not.. So its hard to relate sometimes.

But that doesn't mean I cant right??

I asked my lovely friend Jesse to help out with today's post.

Thing is, I'm not a sugar coater.

So I asked that she be completely honest with the "dark side" of parenting if you will.

I was cracking up over the things she wrote and I've never even experienced them..

So I would like to introduce you to Jesse

She is totally sweet and has the prettiest eyelashes (yep a good quality to have)

She started as a hair client of mine years ago and has since became a photography client and a friend.

Oh and besides being a great (and busy mom) she also makes the sweetest jewelry ever..

and she is taking part in the Spring Break Extravaganza that starts tomorrow!!

Hi, I’m Jesse. Not to be confused with JessICA… just Jesse =)

I am married to my high school sweetheart, Alan, and together we have two wonderful, amazing, well behaved, highly intelligent children… and I’m totally being objective when I say that! Our daughter, Sophie, is 2 ½ and is probably the funniest child on earth and Owen, our son, just hit the 3 month mark and is the sweetest, gassiest, little roly poly baby there is!

After Owens birth in December of 2010, I made the decision to leave my job of 6 years and the career that I had been building since the age of 18, to fully immerse myself in the joys of being a stay at home mom. I t was THE scariest decision that I have ever made and I have had about 562 panic attacks since, but every single one of them has been worth it. Yes, the sweaty palms, nervous tummy, chest so tight I can’t breathe and think I’m either going to pass out or throw up, have all been worth every second that I am able to spend with my children that I would not have been able to had I returned to work.

Now, obviously, I LOVE being a mommy. I love my daughters laugh and her smile, her squishy cheeks and her sweet little hugs and how she pretends that she has fallen asleep on the couch (fake snore and all) so that I won’t put her to bed. And I love my sons big blue eyes and round little belly, his silly coos and his stinky sour milk breath (I know, I’m sick). And, though I love these two little beings with absolutely ALL of my heart, I am being completely honest when I say that there are a few things about motherhood that I really don’t like.

I’m not talking about being awaken in the middle of the night for a feeding, or changing stinky diapers… I mean, who really LIKES those things? I’m talking about the nitty gritty, the things no one talks about because they don’t want to risk sounding vulgar, or like a BAD mom. Well, personally, I believe in being honest, 100%. So, here are a few things about motherhood that I thoroughly do NOT enjoy.
Hopefully, you can learn from my experience!

1. Labor. Sure, the end result is incredible, but the actual labor/birthing process isn’tall that fun. Hard to believe, I know. Neither one of my labors was horrible, but they weren’t pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. With Sophie, my water broke 2 weeks early. Alan and I made a mad dash to the hospital and even forgot our camera because we were expecting her to come at any minute. I mean, everyone says that once your water breaks, the baby practically shoots out of the birth canal on its own, right? Yeah, not the case. Our little princess didn’t make her appearance until 20 hours later. Yes, 20 long, tiring hours during which I was not allowed to eat (due to the epidural) and could not get any sleep for the life of me because every 30 minutes the machine that monitors your blood pressure goes off and not only does it squeeze your arm so hard that you could swear a boa constrictor had somehow made it into the room, but it also makes a particularly obnoxious sound. I was so tired and so hungry that between each push I just kept saying, “I’m so hungry….when can I eat? I’m really hungry?” My mom was so embarrassed because she thought I was annoying the nurses…. Whatever! One of my nurses was old and crochety and had the most awful breath, yet insisted she be 3 inches in front of my face every time she talked to me. Only after my nasty nurse experience did I learn that I could have requested another one! The worst part about Sophie’s birth wasn’t even the birth.. .it was the “afterbirth”. Not only did it completely freak and gross Alan out, but it HURT!! Apparently the doctor didn’t think that my “pregnancy leftovers”, as I like to call them, were coming out fast enough, so he decided to go ahead and push as hard as he could on my poor belly to get them out. My epidural was wearing off at this point so, I felt every push, poke, and prod. Also, he didn’t bother telling me that he was going to be doing this, so imagine the shock I was in when he started assaulting me! I even shouted to the nurse, “What is he doing?!”. With Owen, I had false labor for at least 2 days before finally being admit ted to the hospital. I was only at the hospital for 8 hours until we met our little guy and the whole experience wasn’t all that bad because I knew what to expect, except or one little thing… my epidural didn’t work! I know women give birth all of the time without an epidural (those mommy’s amaze me), but when you go into labor wanting and expecting an epidural, it kind of freaks you out when it’s fabulous numbing affects don’t work! I lived without it for a few painful hours before the anesthesiologist , after making me lay on my right side, then my left side and then having me sit up and then lay down to see if we could get the epidural juices flowin’, finally decided it just wasn’t happening and ended up giving me something else (I don’t remember what) to ease the pain. Ah! Relief =) So, FYI.. epidurals don’t always work… I had no idea!

2. Nursing. It sucks (no pun intended) for at least the first 2 weeks. I know that breastfeeding is best for baby and allows for some great bonding between mother and child and those 2 things are wonderful. It’s all the rest of the stuff that goes along with it that I don’t like. For example: rock hard, painful breasts… sore, cracked nipples (like so sore your toes curl every time baby latches on) and turning into a human sprinkler when you take your bra off for a feeding. I don’t think there is one piece of furniture in my home that has not fallen victim to “the spray”…. makes you want to come visit, yeah? The lactation consultant at the hospital told me these things only happen if you aren’t breast feeding “properly”. Well, that’s crap… for the first 22 years of my life my boobs were boobs and nothing more and then all of a sudden they were expected to provide meals! Up to 12 of them a day! The poor girls went into shock and I think I would have had the same experience whether I was doing it “right” or “wrong”. But, with time, these things subside and nursing my second child has been much easier than my first!

3. My post pregnancy body. I think it took me a good year after Sophie’s birth to come to the realization that my body had no intention of ever going back to its pre-baby amazingness. Sure, I lost all of the 40 pounds I had gained when I was pregnant and I’m even one of those lucky girls who didn’t get any stretch marks… but, my hips will never be the same. I guess it was naive of me to think that, after carrying a baby for 40 weeks and then going through 20 hours of labor, my hips would return to their once narrow selves…. because that is soooo not the case! Oh, yeah, and my boobs… flat as pancakes.

4. Going anywhere with my children, by myself. Ugh, just the thought of it can trigger one of my aforementioned panic attacks! There are so many “what ifs”. Like, “What if Sophie lets go of my hand in the parking lot and I can’t chase after her because I am carrying Owens ridiculously heavy car seat?” Or, “What if I have to feed Owen and Sophie starts yelling “Mama, baby is eating your booboos!” like she has a tendency to do… and I can’t distract her to keep her quiet?” Or, “What if Sophie throws a tantrum, causing Owen to cry, therefore causing me to have two crying children and everyone in the grocery store staring!?”Like I said, there are just too many “what ifs” and I would prefer to share the burden of those “what ifs”, with another capable adult, “if” any of them should happen to occur.

5. Feeling that I’m not doing enough. At the end of the day I often question myself

as to what I could have done better, or differently, or more of for my family. Such as, whether or not I should have read Sophie more books before bed, or brushed her teeth for another minute, or if I let her watch too much TV, or whether I should have concentrated longer on potty t raining (she’s 2 ½ and has yet to go potty in the potty, though she’s great at pretending). Or, if I gave Owen enough tummy time, or snuggles, or dressed him warmly enough for bed. And whether I could have been more attentive or more affectionate toward my husband. But, then again, we all know where affection leads and that’s another thing I don’t like about motherhood…………….

6. SEX. Now, it’s really not that I don’t like sex, I mean come on, we have 2 kids… what I don’t like is that sex isn’t what it once was. Not that i t’s not good, because it is… it’s just different. Not only has my body changed (wide hips, flat boobs, remember?) causing me to be a bit self conscious, but my state of mind has changed as well. It’s really hard to go from mommy mode to sexy wife mode, especially when you’re listening to make sure your precious babies don’t wake up crying and in need of you! Who knows, maybe one day when I’m used to my new body and my children are a bit more independent (or have moved out on their own) my inner sex kitten will decide to re-emerge. Let’s hope so…. for my husband’s sake at least!

Well, there have it… just a few things about motherhood that I am not a big fan of.
 


And, though there are more where those came from, but the good things about being a mommy far outweigh the bad and the feeling that I get every time my daughter tells me she loves me and my son flashes me his gummy little grin makes it all worth it.

Thanks so much Jesse!!!

Stay tuned for more contributions from friends of mine featuring:

fashion, music, food, traveling, crafting, mommyhood and lots more!