...and we all grow up

If any of you were around for yesterdays event then you will know why I'm writing this post.  For any of you that missed it I will just let you know that I posted an article about Pinterest stuff on here, which somehow turned into a bashing on my business facebook wall and in my comments section (which I managed to mostly clean up).  It wasn't about my post at all instead just an outlet for someone to rage.  There was one name (someone I don't know) and a few anonymous and it looks like it all stemmed from one source: someone I apparently was mean to in High School.

Yesterday I was extremely upset by what took place.  Shaking upset, on the verge of tears upset, venting to my mom and refreshing my pages every few seconds upset.  I really didn't know if I would post about it, but I feel the need to touch on a few things because let's be honest here it really got to me.  I feel honestly that I hurt myself more as a teen then I ever hurt anyone else, I know that I wasn't a bully.. I guess I just had some mean moments..

Not all of us, but most of us grow up.

To the person that I was mean to in high school (i don't know who you are since you posted anonymously) I really hope you read this and take it for what it's intended. I went to high school from 1994-1998 which would have put me at the ages of 13-17, meaning we are talking 14-18 years ago since I am now *gasp* 31.. and yes I just had to use a calculator to figure all that crap out!

Maybe I should break down all my insecurities for you from back then and get super personal so you understand where teenager me was coming from, but I shouldn't have to. I will let you know that I did so many things as a kid that as an adult I obviously would never do, isn't that what being a kid is about?

Teenager me can't apologize to you, because she was stupid and acted out on things that seemed like the end of the world, but in reality were so so small. Adult me can apologize by letting you know that I grew up and I'm not like that.  Teenager me can't apologize if she picked on someone else only to hide her own insecurities.  Adult me can apologize because I'm still insecure about things, but not enough to put others down.

I'm sorry that the kid I was has somehow affected the adult that you are.  It genuinely saddens me that something I did all those years ago angered/hurt you so much that you still need to talk about, it wasn't cool of me and I'm sorry for that.

Teenager me did things like:

  • skip school 
  • run away on a 4 day grey hound bus ride from Oregon to NYC for fun
  • drink and drive
  • got into physical fights that landed me in a lot of deep water
  • smoked weed out of an apple... <-- really heather, an apple?? geez.
  • wore baggy pants and listened to rap music
  • got expelled her junior year of high school & almost didn't graduate
  • stayed out til 5am and pressured my mom to cover for me (lots!)
  • hurt my parents

Adult me:
  • won't ever forget what a brat I was
  • hates public transportation so the grey hound round trip is out
  • is too clumsy to drink & walk let alone drive.. besides wine in my pjs at home is far more fun!
  • fist fight?? yeah right I haven't killed a bug since 2009 & that's a true story
  • um I eat apples now and I don't smoke anything
  • the only baggy pants I own are pjs.. & I listen to hip hop in my studio while crafting
  • remembers how hard I had to work my senior year to graduate and put myself through all my other schooling.
  • stay out til 5? how about wakes up at 430am to make her husband lunch when he works locally
  • loves my parents with all my heart..
Do you see the difference?  You made a comment yesterday about me being dishonest on here, being fake to my readers.. thing is you don't know adult me, you know teenage me and I'm sorry that you won't ever get the chance to know the difference because maybe we actually have things in common.  Well except one thing.  I'm an adult who would never take the time out of my day to go and bash someone on their business pages just because 14-18 years ago my feelings got hurt because.... I grew up.

(via)

*so someone emailed me and was offended by the above photo*
Where do we draw the line at apologizing for who we are on our own blogs?
If you know me and how I talk and how laid back I am then you will know that the above quote is not meant to tarnish the letter I just posted, but to just send out some 'chill vibes' to whoever needs them!

(via)

Which makes me want to share this quote...

(via)

and I guess a more appropiate one as to not offend anyone else.. 

BE WHO YOU ARE AND BE PROUD OF IT  
NO MATTER WHERE YOU CAME FROM TO GET THERE!



69 comments:

  1. Great Post, Heather :) Period.

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  2. LOVE. THIS. good for you!! :)

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  3. Nicely said heather ;)

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  4. I don't know you but I'm sorry you even had to deal with that. :(

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  5. There was this one girl in highschool, who for some reason I hated and she hated me back. When she got pregnant in grade 11, I admit I made fun of her like the other kids.
    A year after we graduated (yes, she graduated in time) I ended up dating her boyfriend's best friend..who happened to live with them. Neither of us knew how the other would react because of the highschool drama, but I went over to their place anyways and know what? All that shit from highschool was over. Neither of us could even remember why we started hating each other in the first place. We became friends during that time and still keep in touch to this day.

    As my brother always told me, when I was in highschool and I was whining about how much my life sucked, nothing that happens in highschool means shit after graduation. The bullies, the cool kids, the nerds...once you're out of highschool you realize how meanless all that drama was, how stupid you/they were, and you grow the f up. =)

    Sorry you had to go through this. There's always at least one person who doesn't realize they can put highschool behind them and act like a real adult.

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  7. Good for you! I think it SO sad when grown women still act like bratty teens! Obviously they didn't grow up with manners!

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  8. Very honest and from the heart. :)

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  9. Perfectly said. So sorry you had to go through all this :(

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  10. Great post. I really hope this persin reads it....and possibly gets help. I bet that you are actually the least of her problems if they are resurfacing almost 18 years later. Hang in there!

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  11. Ok, didnt want this all up on FB, so ill post it here, I have also smoked weed out of an apple! LOL! and a soda can, and a two liter bottle, just about anything i could get my hands on in those days... desperation breeds creativity! ;)

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    1. bwahaha fallon i bet you did! ;p

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    2. I think a lot of us have smoked weed out of an apple at some point, stolen butter knives from the kitchen to hotknife hash & pretended like we had no idea where two of the knives went, etc! ;)

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  12. I think we all have our cringe-worthy memories from our teenage years. It takes a mature young woman to admit them. {I am *34* and I still refuse to remember some of that time!} Good for you Heather! Keep the quality posts coming :)

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  13. What you've said now is really the only thing you can say. It IS unfortunate that some people aren't able to let go of things that happened to them in high school, but I personally have been excited when I've forged friendships in adulthood with people I didn't get along with in high school.

    I hope this person is able to accept your apology and move on. I would even venture to say that she is intrigued by you, your business, and your blog, because if she weren't, why would she be cyber-stalking you? People tend to lash out based on two things (or a combination of them): jealously and hurt. Maybe this person will be able to move past the hurt now, IF she can realize that we have ALL made mistakes, especially in high school. And maybe the jealousy can eventually turn into admiration.

    Keep doing what you're doing, because ADULT you is awesome, and I'm glad you liked my store's FB page, which in turn led me to your blog, Nichelle's blog, your Pinterest, and a whole slew of awesome that makes me want to reevaluate what I do with my time (but in a good way).

    Katie Fisher
    (Paddington Station)

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    1. katie thanks so much for commenting.. i'm glad that us southern oregon gals have some how connected and i will for sure come visit you!

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  14. very well-written! i didn't see all the crap she wrote, but she obviously doesn't know the real, adult you!

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  15. I commend you for taking this stand. So sorry you had to go through all that drama yesterday! Like someone previously said, it is very likely you are the least of this woman's problems. Wishing you a much better day!

    xx franchesca

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  16. Very Good post. Sorry that happened. :(

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  17. srsly.....an apple? ....hrhr...Love that piece of information!....(sorry^^)

    When I was a kid and teenager, I was always the one being mocked and bullied. To this day it affects me in so many ways. I negatively have people in my mind because of it to this day (some I haven't seen since 4th grade).

    A couple of years ago I met my biggest bully through out my first few years of school....totally by chance on a party....I went up to him and said hi. Not because I wanted to scream at him or anything...but because I was extremely curious of how he was now and who he had turned out to be.

    He had no idea who I was...when I told him....he stared at me and said that he couldn't believe how much I've changed....I told him that I really hated him back then. He said he was sorry....we talked for a really long time about this and that ...the past and the present...and it was really really nice to meet somebody from back then and come to terms with the whole thing.

    If somebody has a problem with what you once did. Then he should have wrote you an Email or called you on the phone...you should have met and talked about all of it, face to face.

    It's down right childish trying to denounce people on the internet just because they have done something way back when. If something happened that really doesn't let you go. Then you talk to that person and sort it out.

    Thats what growing up is about.

    Melanie

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    1. Melanie thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you liked the apple part =) You know I actually wasn't a bully, I stuck up for myself. I just wasn't so great with words and instead a lot better with my fists.. my mom and I have been sitting here racking our brains trying to figure out who this person is that I "tortured" <-- her words in a comment.. and I can't think of a single person that I actually picked on.. I wasn't the greatest teenager, but in my heart I know that I actually did more harm to myself then others. I'm not afraid to own up to what a crappy kid I was and I hope that maybe somehow it either helps the girl get over it or it helps someone else. I wish they would have emailed me to because I hate having to put it on here, but its done!

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    2. didn't mean to say you were a bully, sorry if it came across that way.

      I've done some really stupid stuff as a teenager too....and don't even let me start about the stupid things I did to counter those bullies ^^
      I think everybody has their reasons to act the way they did. It's thinking about your bad actions and then changing, that matters...and that you clearly did :) Maybe it's time for that person to think about her actions too.
      don't worry so much about it!!!!!!!

      Melanie

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  18. Wow, it sucks that you had so much backlash! I did feel that your post was a little brazen, but I think it needed to be said and you were pretty brave to put it on your blog, despite how mundane crediting sources sounds. Anyway, it also sucks that someone won't forgive you for what happened many years ago. I have a friend who is an amazing person,we've been friends since kindergarten, and if we ever get into an argument she still brings up how I stole and or broke her kindergarten graduation pencil. True story. SO don't let it get you down!

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    1. I think the person was just online during the moment that I posted that one article (which has actually been useful to a lot of people that dont know that crediting sources is something you should do!), and I think that post just took the blunt of the force! Thanks for the comment, I will now be careful with all my pencils around you =)

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  19. motto for life,
    forgive and forget!

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  20. Great post girl! I cringe at some of the crap I pulled in high school and even college! Forgive and forget and for the haters out there, move the heck on!! :) XOXO!!

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  21. To quote Oprah, "The sooner you can let go of the past, the sooner you can get on with the now."
    Hopefully this person can forgive you for your past mistakes and get on with her life now.
    We all make mistakes and will continue to do so, but the hope is that we can learn from them and become better people. Forgive ourselves and move on. Forgive those who have hurt us and let go of the anger.
    Obviously she was coming from a place of hurt... holding on to anger for past events and letting it get the best of her. Again we all make mistakes and say things we wish we hadn't.
    You do wonderful work and inspire lots of people. Keep doing what you do best!
    Sincerely,
    Penny

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  22. I truely hope you taking the high road will inspire your negative poster to move forward too. Although I don't know you, I'm proud of you. This took guts!

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    1. thanks i was nervous!!! ummm cute name too btw =)

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  23. Heather, I love this! and teenager me sounds a lot like teenager you. I have had to apologize to a few people as an adult because of teenager me. You wrote this post so well and so GROWN UP. I commend you for being honest and open, when I probably wouldnt have had the guts and it would have continued to bother me.

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    1. we would have been teenage bff trouble makers! right after high school I moved (like seriously the day after graduation) and to those that stayed its like a few of them didnt move on, didnt forget, didn't grow up and still hold me accountable for the kid I was. If I didnt say something it would eat at me, don't get me wrong it is still bothering me lots, but I can only apologize for so much!

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  24. very well said ,so sorry you had to go through that!

    oh..and the apple thing?? me too ;)

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  25. An apple? My high school self just thought: Damn, why didn't I try that? LOL

    Seriously though, GOOD FOR YOU! I've been out of high school for 8 years now, and EVERYONE in high school was an asshole. At some point in their life, they were an asshole to someone. Who cares. Yeah, I got bullied and I bullied back. You learn from it, and you're a different person just like you listed. Looking back, I laugh at myself that girl and want to choke that girl all at the same time. So I applaud this post for telling everyone to get over it!

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    1. Man.. the apple thing is getting so many comments =) I can't help it I was always creative.. soda cans.. paper rolls.. you name it haha..

      I love your comment that you got bullied and bullied back, because this is how I think it happened.. I wasn't just some bully to everyone.. I was insecure just like we all were and I acted it.. to bad that what I did somehow still stuck with someone!

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    2. LOL Okay, I'm just going to admit my craziest smoking one: My friends and I once made a bong out of a Pace jar that had a fish swimming inside. (The fish was fine, btw.)

      Exactly! It amazes me how people can still harbor such bad feelings for how we acted as kids. Even if you are a teen, you're still a kid. Everyone had issues and everyone acted out from them. It's just life.

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  26. i did read your post yesterday and i don't see anything wrong with informing people. i'm sorry that someone was childish enough to take out their feelings from years ago and vomit it all over a public forum. apparently, whilst they were growing up from their teenager self, they didn't mature in the let's act like an adult and keep a problem private. you didn't deserve that.

    the reason why we have a special little bar at the top and an overly large [X] in the corner is to remove ourselves from something that we aren't particularly fond of. this world has enough hate.. we don't need hate over something as mundane as a little advice. good-willed and informative advice.

    i hope that person approaches you and explains why they lashed out at you.. and i hope you receive an apology for having to waste time being upset over something that you weren't aware of because that person has never come to you.

    kudos for holding your head high, heather.

    much love.

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  27. So, I was bullied the entire time I was in school. In elementary school I was threatened and physically assaulted, in middle school I was called names and didn't have any friends (which I now know was a form of social bullying), and in high school I didn't have any friends and was barred from achieving in several organizations because I just wasn't popular enough. Until about the second half of my junior year, high school was miserable. I know exactly who did that to me, and they know they did it.

    But you know what? I've moved on. I don't have any desire to talk to those people ever again (although, they are friends o Facebook. Weird, I know), and so I don't. I don't feel the need to engage them in any way, either positively or negatively. I've created a life for myself that has nothing to do with those people from high school.

    I get how satisfying it might be to confront your bully/mean person. But what does it do? Most of them are totally different people now (well, I don't know if MINE are) and none of us can go back and change the past. Would I say something if one of them contacted me? Probably, yes. But I wouldn't go out of my way to post nasty comments on someone's blog. I'm better than that and your commenter should have been, too.

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    1. Lauren I'm so sorry this happened to you =( You are brave for talking about it in a positive way instead of doing to them what they did to you which is the wrong way to confront things! I believe that we are the way we are because of things that happened to us, and look at the life you have made for yourself after you got out of that situation! What they did must have felt great for them, and yes I felt bullied when they did it.. but there is a huge difference in being a bully as a kid and a bully as an adult because you know whats right or whats wrong.. thanks for sharing your story!

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  28. Brave of you to post this. Very real.

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  29. Oh, man, that's so crummy. I'm so sorry someone posted something like that. I understand how feelings can linger - when you're bullied as a kid, it can really affect your confidence as an adult, & it's not always as easy as getting over shit & moving on. That said, there's no excuse for taking it out on anyone, even the people who bullied you, this many years later, & whoever wrote that comment should be ashamed of him or herself for not recognizing that people change & grow. I wish that person the best in overcoming the hurt they experienced as a teenager, inflicted by you or by others, but inflicting similar hurt as an adult is no way to go about healing.

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  30. Apple + weed?! Never tried that one!
    Wow some people really need to grow up! Yes school can be horrible (worst time of my life) but once school is over then you need to move on. Especially when 14 years have passed. To purposely hunt people down on the net, follow their posts etc and then bitch at them is kind of pathetic. I just wouldn't have the inclanation to even bother to do something like that! Teenagers go through some difficult times and we all say/do things without realising how it may hurt others. But the bigger person can apologise (even when they don't know who they are apologising to) and move on as you have done. Oh and the fact that this person didn't dare show their name kinda says a lot about who they turned out to be. The most important thing is to try and not let this get to you. You've apologised and that is all you can do.

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  31. so glad you posted this and i hope whoever you "tortured" reads it and gets the message. and seriously, someone emailed you because they were offended by your "shit" image? redonk. that's a whole other post hahaha.

    xo dana

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  32. You said it so well. Perfectly written! And how brave of you to talk about your apple full of weed smoking days! HA But seriously, we all have done things as teenagers we regret & would NEVER do now! That is part of growing up...and so is realizing that! You are a person I would LOVE to know and hang out with in real life! I know that because I feel like your genuine self comes across on your blog & I love that!!

    Kudos to you for taking a stand and saying it all so well! (And maturely for that matter!)

    xoxo

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  33. Such a great post! I think girls hold grudges out of jealousy or insecurity...and even though I too have those people who I "disliked" from high school, you have to forgive and forget! I hope the person who wrote all the hateful comments saw this post and I hope it makes them think. People make mistakes but you can't see them as the person they were in high school forever! So glad that the good Lord forgives! :)

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  34. I hate that you even had to post this, but you said everything so well. Adult me is quite different than teenage me. Who's adult self isn't a different (hopefully better) version of their teenage self? I'm sorry for people who feel the need to post anonymous bs. I think you're amazing, and so sorry you had to deal with any of that.

    xo,
    Heather

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  35. Heather!
    You go girl, admirable to say the least.
    Many would not own their past mistakes or the way in which they acted - many would just sweep it under the rug and hope that others would just do the same.
    But serious kudos to you for owning it in its entirety.

    I believe we are all sent these sorts of hurdles to strengthen ourselves. To stop, take stock and reflect - this hurdle for you has clearly let you reflect on the past and has also inspired many others to do the same!

    I am a fairly new reader of your blog - but this hurdle has cemented my frequent-reader-visitation now!
    Here's to moving forward, warm loving to you x

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  36. Wow! Doesn't sound like the Heather I know! I appreciate you sharing this. "MEAN" is such a negative place to stay for even a short time let alone years. FACE IT, EMBRACE IT, ERASE IT."
    PLEASE let me know immediately if I do or say something that is hurtful. I believe that is what friends do. B

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  37. Its so disappointing to me that somebody would take the time to post mean nasty things (especially so many years later) I'm a senior in high school now, and I see how vicious people can be. I've gotten to the point in school where the only people I spend time with are my small group of friends (3-4 of us) and my boyfriend. I'd love to be more social and engaging with other people, but there is so much petty, catty drama, that I feel it isn't even worth the time. I know I'm maturing, but I feel like so many of my peers aren't. It's so sad to me to even think that some people never mature...

    I'm so sorry somebody posted such hurtful things directed at you but I feel like you're definitely handling them the right way. :)

    http://ahopelessnotebook.blogspot.com/

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  38. I just took a few moments to browse your pages about the recent negative activity, and I think your readers have proven that your blog, your words, your photos, your work and YOU are VERY appreciated. This post is so genuine and heartfelt and COURAGEOUS. Not many people could write these things, and i think it makes you a better person than most.

    It is a lot easier said then done, but I think it's safe to say you can put it all behind you. You do such a delightful job, and you make so many peoples days brighter in small ways, that you don't even realize! What a cool thing! I just lovelovelove your blog, and plan to support it fully! We got your back:)

    OH and p.s. if you are moderating your comments now, sorry to be one more clutter bug in your inbox! I just had to show some support along with all these other peeps:):):)

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  39. I haven't been following your blog for all that that and I rarely comment. Just wanted to say great post!

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  40. wow, we're the same age. our thirties snuck up fast, didn't they? but like you, i can honestly say how much i love adult me. teenage me would have probably been out causing trouble with teenage you! i've since forgiven and have been reciprocated for any memorable wrongdoings from those tempest years (facebook is good for something!). it's a shame that some of our peers haven't reached the same self actualized place. because, truthfully, its a pretty great place to be : )

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  41. I am glad you chose to write this post and stand up to someone who is obviously immature. One of the great things in life is truly learning from our mistakes. If you had not make those mistakes back then, then you would not be who you are today. Some people just don't get that and instead of hashing out some very old beef with you on a personal level they act out and end up looking like a miserable person (that they probably are).

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  42. I cannot even tell you how much I love this post. So insightful. So true. And even though it sucks and really hurts when people write nasty things about us, er you, (online, nonetheless) it really did make for a great post!

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  43. Great post! I felt like I was reading my own bio on here! Going back "home" to the town where I grew up always feels like a time warp where people remember who you were, not who you are. Good for 'grown-up' you to "forget shit and move on" ! :)

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  44. I think sometimes we forget about the power of our words. I vividly remember things said to me as a kid/teenager, none of them positive. And I know that I have said carelss things that have left a lasting impact on someone. Of course I had forgotten those words about 3 seconds after they passed my lips. I'm not take sides here, just saying that we never know what people will take offense at. Its our "job" if you will, to walk blameless and upright, and their job to deal with offense. Like you, teenage me did and said things that Adult me would never say or do. But thats the point of your post :) I am so glad you stood up and said what you did. Maybe it will be a turning point for the person in question to get over their shit! We are only responsible for ourselves... you are endevouring to take a higher road... if only everyone followed suit!

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  45. I was one of the girls picked on in highschool. And though I wouldn't rush out to get back in touch with any of the 'Mean Girls' and befriend them now, i don't hold grudges. I know that they, like me, have aged and possibly (hopefully) changed for the better.

    My regret is taking out my frustration with my school life on my parents. I wish like anything I could go back and be nicer to them through those years, and even more recent ones. It kills me that I put them through that.

    In other news, I'm a fellow grad of 1998, so... yay! Graduation buddies! :)

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  46. I think it was very mature of you to post this. All of us grow and change and no one should be held accountable for things that they said and did as a child.

    Very inspiring quotes!

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  47. Good for you! I am so happy someone actually had the guts to write a post like this. I'm still in high school, and there is so much petty drama that I cannot wait to leave behind. Yeah, teenagers are insecure and all, but some of the things that have occurred are so unnecessary and stupid. There have been kids that come up to me at school saying they hate me cause I was mean to them in kindergarten. WHOA THERE. Grow up, y'all! There are lots of people that need to read this post, so I'm very glad you put it out there.

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  48. I'm sorry you had a mean commenter... poor bitter/sad people. :(

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  49. Great post! I'm sorry you had to write it and that some people just can't move on. I also liked the first photo because it seemed really genuine.

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  50. I don't get how people can hold onto that shit from high school. It was a million (or 17) years ago! I don't care who you were, I just care who you are. Isn't that a simpler motto for life?!

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